Landon Elengold holding a baby monitor and an important legal pad

PHOENIX, ARIZONA · AN EXTREMELY SELECTIVE ARRANGEMENT

I'm looking for
someone unrealistic.

You pay me.You shadow me.You help with Haze.

I teach you everything I know about business, AI, sales, investing, judgment, and making decisions before anyone agrees they are decisions. You spend three agreed nights each week helping care for my amazing son.

The advice is worth quadrillions. Tuition starts at $7,500 a month.

Explain this slowly ↓I already understand ↗

STARRING LANDON · FEATURING A BABY MONITOR · SUBJECT TO DAWN

01 / THE ACTUAL IDEA

This is ridiculous.
It is also the entire offer.

YOU GET

Access

Follow my real working life. Watch calls, projects, deals, mistakes, decisions, and the occasional company that exists for twenty-three minutes.

YOU ASK

Questions

Not hypothetical questions after a webinar. Questions while the problem is still happening and the answer can still be inconvenient.

YOU HELP

With Haze

Three agreed nights each week helping care for my son in our home. Haze is the actual priority, which is already an advanced lesson.

YOU PAY

$7,500+

Per month. I understand this is traditionally where the direction of payment becomes confusing. The direction shown is correct.

Landon presenting an invoice while pointing seriously at a baby monitor

02 / THE HOUSEHOLD

Beautiful family.
Unusual opening.

I live with my beautiful wife, Dawn, our amazing son Haze, and Dawn's wonderful daughter part-time. This is a real home—not an incubator with throw pillows.

Dawn is warm, impressive, and the final appellate court. Haze is currently focused on milk, ceilings, and reorganizing all known schedules. The successful applicant enters carefully, earns trust slowly, and does not become content.

“Why would someone pay you and also help with the baby?”— The question Dawn asked immediately

Because the person gets direct access to everything I know.
Dawn has preserved her objection.

03 / WHAT YOU ACTUALLY LEARN

No curriculum.
Considerable context.

Landon presenting an elaborate whiteboard as Dawn removes the remaining markers — **8:14 PM** Dawn has removed the remaining markers. Landon considers this a temporary liquidity event.

Opportunity

How to see what matters before consensus arrives and makes it expensive.

AI leverage

Real systems doing real work—not a folder containing 700 prompts.

Selling

How to charge more without behaving like someone who urgently needs the sale.

Judgment

What deserves attention, what deserves a voice memo, and what deserves to be quietly deleted.

04 / THE COMPLETELY UNVALIDATED SCREENING

First, survive
the Gauntlet.

Four questions designed to reveal judgment, boundaries, initiative, and whether you understand that Dawn has already ruled.

ELENGOLD HOUSEHOLD / INCIDENT REVIEWEXHIBIT 01 OF 04

TRIAL 01 / THE PROTOTYPE HAS RETURNED

Dawn deleted her account. Landon calls this ‘strong early engagement.’ What goes in the investor update?

Landon studying a blackjack hand while holding the baby monitor

THEN / ONE HAND

You have sixteen.
Haze is asleep.

The dealer shows ten. Drawing a card requires moving the arm holding Haze. There is no money at risk—only our opinion of you.

NEW HAND · SIXTEEN AGAINST TEN · HAZE IS ASLEEP

DEALER SHOWS

10♠10

YOUR HAND · 16

10♥10

6♣6

05 / RECOVERED FROM MY ACTUAL OBSIDIAN

Things I genuinely like,
and may turn into a company without warning.

01OBSIDIAN · FUTURE TECH THESIS

Electric everything

Cybertruck now. Roadster eventually. Electric jets, surfboards, jet skis, and anything else improved by making gasoline feel personally rejected.

Bitcoin & hard money

I like money that does not need a meeting, a spokesman, or a very reassuring quarterly call.

Art that remembers you

A painting should recognize who walked by, remember the last conversation, and ideally become slightly disappointed in them.

The Sleep Museum

Capture dreams before they disappear, turn them into art, and privately archive the only movies with no production budget and terrible continuity.

Electronics, Arduino & 3D printing

I enjoy projects that begin with one small board and end with a new electrical panel nobody remembers authorizing.

Off-grid future land

Clean energy, privacy, drones, printed houses, electric aircraft, and enough distance from town that every delivery becomes a strategic operation.

Own the Map

A family game where we claim real places on a map. Because Monopoly was suffering from insufficient GPS and not enough family disputes.

Arizona target golf

Buy land near a highway. Sell people one hundred chances to hit an impossible target. Somehow this may be my most reasonable idea.

RELATED SOURCE ↗

DAWN’S NOTE: Recording an idea in Obsidian does not create an obligation to build it. Landon is seeking a second opinion.

06 / THE UNREALISTIC PERSON

Warm. Curious.
Unusually capable.

01Excellent with infantsREQUIRED

02Intensely curiousREQUIRED

03Emotionally steadyREQUIRED

04Discreet by defaultREQUIRED

05Useful without a committeeREQUIRED

06Able to ask one excellent questionREQUIRED

07 / REQUEST CONSIDERATION

If this sounds absurd,
but specifically absurd for you,
reach out.

This page is parody. The invitation is real. Any actual apprenticeship, household participation, childcare duties, tuition, compensation, schedule, screening, or residency arrangement requires clear written terms and appropriate legal review.