Landon Elengold holding a baby monitor and an important legal pad

AI SYSTEMS · BUSINESS LEVERAGE · INVESTMENT JUDGMENT · ONE UNREALISTIC APPRENTICESHIP.AI COACH · PHOENIX

I'm looking for
someone unrealistic.

You pay me.You shadow me.You help with Haze.

A parody apprenticeship concept. Shadow my real work across AI, business, and investing. Ask questions in context. Help with Haze on an agreed schedule.

Entirely fictional tuition starts at $11,000 a month.

See how it works ↓Looking for AI coaching? Hire Landon ↗

STARRING LANDON · FEATURING A BABY MONITOR · SUBJECT TO DAWN

WHAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY SHADOWINGMOVE YOUR CURSOR · THEN LET IT SETTLE

01AI SYSTEMSBuild useful leverage.

02BUSINESSFind and sell the opportunity.

03INVESTMENT JUDGMENTKeep more of what works.

LANDON'S UNOFFICIAL CURRICULUMMake better moves.
Preferably before bedtime.

01 / THE ACTUAL IDEA

This is ridiculous.
It is also the entire offer.

YOU GET

Access

Follow my real working life. Watch calls, projects, deals, mistakes, decisions, and the occasional company that exists for twenty-three minutes.

YOU ASK

Questions

Not hypothetical questions after a webinar. Questions while the problem is still happening and the answer can still be inconvenient.

YOU HELP

With Haze

Three agreed nights each week helping care for my son in our home. Haze is the actual priority, which is already an advanced lesson.

YOU PAY

$11,000*

Per month, fictionally. *This is an unmistakably fictional parody price, not the real fly-in service.

Landon presenting an invoice while pointing seriously at a baby monitor

02 / THE HOUSEHOLD

Beautiful family.
Unusual opening.

I live with my beautiful wife, Dawn, our amazing son Haze, and Dawn's wonderful daughter part-time. This is a real home—not an incubator with throw pillows.

Dawn is warm, impressive, and the final appellate court. Haze is currently focused on milk, ceilings, and reorganizing all known schedules. The successful applicant enters carefully, earns trust slowly, and does not become content.

“Why would someone pay you and also help with the baby?”— The question Dawn asked immediately

Because the person gets direct access to everything I know.
Dawn has preserved her objection.

04 / THE COMPLETELY UNVALIDATED SCREENING

First, survive
the Gauntlet.

Four questions designed to reveal judgment, boundaries, initiative, and whether you understand that Dawn has already ruled.

ELENGOLD HOUSEHOLD / INCIDENT REVIEWEXHIBIT 01 OF 04

TRIAL 01 / THE PROTOTYPE HAS RETURNED

Dawn deleted her account. Landon calls this ‘strong early engagement.’ What goes in the investor update?

07 / THE UNREALISTIC PERSON

Warm. Curious.
Unusually capable.

01Excellent with infantsREQUIRED

02Intensely curiousREQUIRED

03Emotionally steadyREQUIRED

04Discreet by defaultREQUIRED

05Useful without a committeeREQUIRED

06Able to ask one excellent questionREQUIRED

08 / TWO DIRECT ANSWERS

Before you
misread the premise.

Is the apprenticeship real?

The page is parody, but the invitation to discuss an arrangement is real. Any actual duties, schedule, tuition, compensation, screening, or residency terms require clear written terms and appropriate legal review.

Is Landon also available for normal AI coaching?

Yes. Landon works directly with people and businesses in Phoenix and Scottsdale, remotely, and on site through the separate Hire Landon offer.

09 / REQUEST CONSIDERATION

If this sounds absurd,
but specifically absurd for you,
reach out.

This page is parody. The invitation is real. Any actual apprenticeship, household participation, childcare duties, tuition, compensation, schedule, screening, or residency arrangement requires clear written terms and appropriate legal review.